Survival Guide for the Holidays

The holiday season can be joyful — but for many, it’s also stressful, emotionally charged, and overwhelming. Whether it’s navigating family tension, financial pressure, loneliness, or sensory overload, the “most wonderful time of the year” can easily become one of the hardest.

This guide combines evidence-based strategies from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) to help you stay balanced, connected, and grounded over the Christmas period.

1. Manage Expectations (CBT)

Christmas often comes with shoulds: “I should feel happy,” “It should be perfect,” “We should all get along.” These thoughts create pressure and disappointment.

CBT Strategy: Thought Challenging

• When you notice an unhelpful thought, write it down and ask:

  • Is this thought realistic?

  • Is there evidence for and against it?

  • Is there another way to see this situation?

• Example: Instead of “I should feel festive,” try “It’s okay to have mixed feelings — the holidays can be complicated.”

Skill Practice:
Each morning, write one realistic intention rather than a perfectionist one.

e.g. “Today I’ll focus on one thing that brings me calm,” instead of “I’ll make sure everyone has a great day.”

2. Make Room for Mixed Emotions (ACT)

It’s normal to feel joy, sadness, stress, and gratitude all at once. The ACT approach encourages us to make space for uncomfortable feelings rather than fighting them.

ACT Strategy: Acceptance and Defusion

• Name your emotion without judgment: “I’m feeling anxious right now.”

• Visualise that feeling as a wave — it rises, peaks, and passes.

• Use defusion to step back from your thoughts: imagine placing them on leaves floating down a stream.

Skill Practice:
When you feel overwhelmed, pause and say to yourself:

“I can feel this feeling and still choose what matters most right now.”

3. Set Boundaries with Compassion (DBT & CBT)

Family and social gatherings can stir up old dynamics. Setting boundaries protects your wellbeing and relationships.

DBT Strategy: Interpersonal Effectiveness (DEAR MAN)
Use this structure to communicate clearly and kindly:

• Describe the situation objectively

• Express your feelings

• Assert your needs

• Reinforce the benefits

• Mindful — stay on track

• Appear confident

• Negotiate if needed

Example:

“I’d love to come for lunch, but I’ll need to leave by 3 p.m. so I can rest. That way, I can enjoy the time we do spend together.”

4. Use Grounding and Distress Tolerance (DBT)

When stress peaks, grounding skills help bring you back to the present.

DBT Skills to Try:

• 5-4-3-2-1 Technique: Identify 5 things you can see, 4 touch, 3 hear, 2 smell, 1 taste.

• TIP Skill:

  • Temperature — splash cool water on your face

  • Intense exercise — 20 star jumps or a brisk walk

  • Paced breathing — in for 4, out for 6

Skill Practice:
Create a “holiday distress toolbox” with sensory items (lavender oil, textured objects, favourite music, a photo of something comforting).

5. Stay Connected to Values (ACT)

When the season feels chaotic, reconnect with what’s truly meaningful — not what’s expected.

Ask Yourself:

• What do I want this time of year to stand for?

• What small action aligns with that value?

If your value is connection, maybe it’s sending a kind message to a friend instead of attending every event.
If it’s peace, it might mean saying no to one gathering to rest.

6. Care for Your Body and Routine (CBT & DBT)

Holiday schedules often disrupt sleep, food, and activity patterns — all of which affect mood.

Practical Skills:

• Keep a consistent sleep routine (even on holidays)

• Eat regularly to avoid sugar-crash irritability

• Include gentle movement — a walk, stretching, or dancing

• Limit alcohol if it worsens anxiety or mood swings

7. Practise Self-Compassion

Above all, speak to yourself as you would a friend.

Try:

“I’m doing the best I can in a busy, emotional time.”
“It’s okay to rest. It’s okay not to feel okay.”

Final Word

The Christmas period doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. By using CBT to challenge unhelpful thoughts, ACT to make room for emotion, and DBT to regulate and communicate effectively, you can create space for peace, authenticity, and presence — even in the midst of the holiday rush.