Dialectical Thinking

We often underestimate the profound influence our thoughts have on our emotions and behaviours. Our thoughts wield immense power, shaping our daily experiences and actions. In Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), we would identify the distorted thought (e.g. “I made a mistake, which means that I am incapable”. This black-or-white and disproportionate thought can then, in turn, create disproportionate emotions such as shame, insecurity and inferiority. In CBT, we would try to make the original thought more balanced, for instance “I made a mistake but I am not incapable”. This has the potential to mitigate the emotions we feel. This process is called cognitive restructuring [look out for an article on that technique that is coming soon].

While CBT is the most evidence-based approach out there, an alternative to cognitive restructuring would be a technique from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). DBT has gained significant traction in recent years because of its high potency when it comes to emotional regulation in particular.

But let’s start at the beginning. What is a "dialectical"? It's a complex concept that involves recognising that two seemingly contradictory and mutually exclusive things can both be true simultaneously. It's about acknowledging that opposites can co-exist.

Cultivating dialectical thinking is a crucial aspect of DBT and can benefit everyone. Many people are familiar with black-or-white thinking, where things are seen as entirely good or bad/ kind or unkind/ fair or unfair. This type of thinking can be detrimental, contributing to stress, anxiety, and low mood. To counter this, CBT would suggest finding the "grey" area between the black and white to make the thoughts more balanced, and as a result, to create balanced emotions. 

Dialectical thinking, however, is different. Instead of blending black and white to create grey, it involves holding both black and white together, like a chessboard or houndstooth pattern. When we see both sides of a situation, we are likely getting closer to what is true.

A key word in dialectical thinking is "AND". For instance, if someone has hurt us, we might label them as mean or disrespectful. Dialectical thinking encourages us to consider what else is true, such as, "My childhood needs were not met AND my parents were trying their best to support me with their limited resources". Dialectical thinking often involves replacing "but" with "and". For example, instead of saying, "My situation is unbearable, but I will get through it," which possibly invalidates the difficulty, we say, "My situation is unbearable AND I will get through it." This approach allows us to acknowledge our struggles while also focussing on the way forward. Circling back to the previous example, another dialectic thought would be “I made a mistake AND I am capable”. Both can co-exist.

Practicing dialectical thinking can significantly impact how we perceive situations, how we feel, and how we regulate our emotions. A simple way to start is by replacing "but" with "and", and observing the difference in your responses to various circumstances, situations and emotions.

Here are some further examples of dialectical thinking:

• Accepting reality AND working to change it.

• Validating yourself and others AND acknowledging errors.

• Working AND resting.

• Doing things you need to do AND doing things you want to do.

• Working on improving yourself AND accepting yourself exactly as you are.

• Problem solving AND problem acceptance.

• Emotion regulation AND emotion acceptance.

• Mastering something on your own AND asking for help.

• Independence AND dependence.

• Openness AND privacy.

• Trust AND suspicion.

• Watching and observing AND participating.

• Taking from others AND giving to others.

• Focusing on yourself AND focusing on others.

* Examples taken from: INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS HANDOUT 15 (I.E. Worksheets 11-11b)